Out of Sync Read online

  “Of course not.”

  “See? Relax, Ken isn’t going to judge you.”

  One of Teri’s co-workers came over and perched on a stool nearby. He had dyed black hair and piercings all over his face. He studied my arm as Teri worked, and I wondered if he was her boss.

  “That’s really nice, T. I like how you’re hiding the scars in the shading of the vines.”

  “Thanks, Clark.” She glanced up at him. “Slow day?”

  “No one seems to want to get pierced this afternoon.” Ah, so not her boss then. This was Clark, the resident body piercer. I knew Teri liked him a lot, so I automatically liked him too.

  “You can pierce me,” I said. “I’ve always wanted a septum piercing. And my nipple too, but maybe I’ll wait for that one.”

  “Please tell me you are not getting pierced to look tough for Ken and his boyfriend,” Teri said quietly.

  “No, I’m getting pierced because I think septum rings look cool. What’s the big deal? If I don’t like it, I can always take it out. Right, Clark?”

  “Of course.”

  Teri’s penetrating gaze made me blush.

  “Okay, maybe a little bit to look tough. I can’t help having a baby face, can I?”

  An hour later, I left with plastic around my forearm, a ring through my septum, and a giddy high humming through my body from the endorphins. I found Ritchie sprawled on our couch in his shorts, reading. He set the book aside when I straddled him and started kissing his bare chest.

  His hands buried themselves in my hair, and his body shook with silent laughter.

  “Hello to you, too,” he gasped, guiding me up to his lips. He kissed me once then pulled back. “Oh, wow. That’s different.”

  I touched the ring in my nose. “Do you like it?”

  “It’s hot as fuck, but what are you going to do while you’re at work?”

  “What do you mean? I’m not going to do anything while I’m at work.”

  “Uh, I mean they’re going to make you take it out. Club employee standards clause. They wouldn’t even let Nat get gauges.”

  I scoffed at that, but sure enough, the next day, Natalie took me aside during the brunch shift and told me while it looked “Really cute on you, Jacks,” it had to go.

  “It’s not fair; it’s my face,” I complained.

  She sighed. “I know. But they just made you a bartender—you’re in a client-facing position now. Astrid is pretty old-fashioned about stuff like this. Facial piercings aren’t compliant with the dress code.”

  “Did she tell you to talk to me about it? As the concierge?”

  Natalie nodded. “I’m sorry. You have to take it out or go home for the rest of your shift.”

  I folded my apron carefully and set it on the bar. “I guess I’m going home then.”

  She sighed. “Jacks—think about it. This job—”

  “Nat, I love you. And I love X. And I’m so grateful to the two of you for everything. But I didn’t leave my father’s house to worry about dress codes and standards clauses. There are other bars in the city. I’ve fought too hard to be myself, and that means I get to make this choice too.”

  She nodded. “Would you like me to tell Astrid?”

  I shook my head. “I’m a big boy. I can tell her myself.”

  Astrid was cold but understanding. She didn’t remind me about everything the club had done for me or ask me to work two weeks’ notice. There was no guilt trip at all, which was incredibly refreshing.

  “You’re a hard worker, and we’ve enjoyed having you here. If you need a reference, I’m happy to provide one. I understand dress codes seem onerous to a young person, but this place presents a very specific image to the world, and the dress code is part of that.”

  “I understand.” I turned to leave, then turned back. “After I’ve washed my uniforms, I’ll send them back with Natalie.”

  “Thank you. Good luck, Jackson.”

  Losing my job at the Thorns didn’t hurt as much as I would have thought—and while the decision might have been hasty, I knew I would eventually have faced it over another issue, large or small. Better to find something that suited me now, before I started putting the job before myself. I stopped by every bar between the Thorns and the subway station, filling out applications at the ones who were hiring as I went. By the time I let myself into our apartment, I was sure I’d find something quickly.

  However, all thoughts of gainful employment fled when I saw Ritchie on the couch in his underwear. How was it possible he was getting hotter? I was already hard when I stripped out of my own clothes and sat down next to him.

  “Is this a clothing-optional household now?” I teased, leaning in for a kiss.

  He cupped the back of my head and kissed me deeply, then pulled back to smile at me. “Always. You’re home early.”

  “I quit my job.” I tried to lure him back into the kiss, but he pulled away, shocked.

  “Your job at the Thorns? Because of—” His eyes flickered to the piercing in my nose, and I flopped against the back of the sofa.

  “I’ll get another job. It’ll be fine.”

  “I know you will, but…” He trailed off, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Come here.”

  I scooted onto his lap and kissed him again. “Are you mad at me? Are we having a fight?”

  He shook his head. “No. Absolutely not. You get to make your own choices.”

  “Thank you.” I ran my hands up and down his chest. “So, what are you up to this afternoon?”

  He bit his lip and groaned. “I’m writing song lyrics, actually. For the Smile.”

  Surprise tumbled over and through me and I found myself grinning like a fool. “Really? Can I see?”

  Blushing, he reached for his notebook and passed it to me. The words “Crave You” stretched across the top of the page, and I skimmed over the lyrics—well, the ones that weren’t crossed out. An ode to hunger and satisfaction that made my skin prickle.

  “Did you have the munchies when you wrote this?” I teased.

  He chuckled. “Not exactly. It’s an allegory, Jacks.”

  Allegory wasn’t a word I expected Ritchie to know, let alone use. I read the lyrics more closely, heat rising in my body. “Oh. Oh. This is really fucking horny, dude.”

  He flipped me over onto my back and took the notebook from my hand. He pressed me down into the couch with his body, kissing along my throat and biting at my earlobes. “Do you like it?”

  “It’s like our first kiss. Do you remember?” I asked him breathlessly.

  He nodded. “Of course.”

  “These words make me feel like that—like when you held my face still and kissed me. I had never felt like that before.”

  His hand came up to cup my chin and my lust sang through me.

  “How does it feel?”

  “Like there’s a lust monster inside of me.” I thrust up, rubbing myself against him. “And you just unlocked his cage.”

  Ritchie didn’t laugh at me or tease me for being over the top, but he grinned a wicked grin and kissed his way down my body. “Lucky for him, I have the munchies.”

  Kneeling on the floor, he shoved my underwear out of the way and took me deep into his mouth. His words tumbled around in my mind as he sucked me, and I buried a hand in his short black hair and gave it an experimental tug. He groaned, the sound vibrating around my dick and adding a new layer to my pleasure. I tugged harder, then ran my fingers along his face to cup his stubbled jaw as it stretched to accommodate me. His gaze met mine, and he looked lust-drunk, his eyes dark with pleasure. Very deliberately, he nuzzled his face into my hand and swallowed around my dick.

  I couldn’t help myself, I thrust deeper into his throat, and he groaned again, tears welling up in his eyes. The sight of them twisted in me and turned me on at the same time. I was going to come, I realized, and I pushed him back. “Not yet.”

  He wiped at his mouth and then his eyes, his face flushed and happy. “What d
o you want to do?”

  “Can we—can you do me this time?” I hadn’t been able to get the thought out of my head—I wanted, and I wanted to know. The idea filled me with flutters of nerves and made me feel hot all over. “I can’t stop thinking of the noises you made, and the look on your face when I fucked you.”

  His eyes closed and he reached down and adjusted his cock in his underwear. “Anything you want. Everything you want.”

  He joined me on the couch again, kissing me and touching me all over. His hands skimmed my chest, teasing at my nipples and stroking the soft hair on my belly. I arched into his touches, pushing away at the nerves.

  “Relax, sweetheart,” he murmured, cupping the side of my face in one rough palm. I rolled my face toward it and took his thumb between my teeth.

  “I’m trying,” I whispered. “It’s hard to be cool at a time like this.”

  “I don’t want you to be cool.” He grinned wickedly, his tongue peeking out from between his teeth. “I want you so hot you beg me for it.”

  I groaned and sank back against the cushions, the tension leaving my body in a rush as he palmed my dick. I closed my eyes, concentrating on the way he amped up my desire with every teasing touch. I heard the sound of the lube bottle opening and then closing, and I shivered.

  “Shhh—this is going to feel so good; I promise.” He kissed me and ran a slick hand over my length, sending a different kind of shiver through me.

  “That’s right,” he murmured, his other hand moving lower.

  I tried not to flinch away from the slippery touch of his fingers in my crease, probing gently. He rested his hand where it was and stroked my cock again. When I started rutting into his hand, his finger breached me.

  I gasped; he stilled. I opened my eyes to see him watching me, his face serious and intent. When I nodded, his hands began moving again, one on my dick, the other teasing my hole. Then he turned his hand slightly, pressing another finger into me.

  “Breathe, Jacks,” Ritchie kissed my shoulder. “It will feel better if you—”

  I let out a breath and pleasure sang through my body. “Oh, God.”

  “That’s right.” He looked pleased with himself as he stroked into me. “Let yourself feel good.”

  How did he know my body so much better than I knew it myself? I felt flushed all over, hot and needy—so needy.

  “Please, Ritchie, please.”

  His fingers slid free, and he helped maneuver me onto my back. I watched with heavy-lidded eyes and desire thrumming through my veins as he slicked himself with more lube.

  “Breathe,” he whispered again as he lined himself up and eased into my body. Somehow, he was too much and not enough all at once. My eyes watered and I heaved in a shuddering breath, watching as his features transformed in ecstasy.

  “Oh, Jacks…” He closed his eyes tightly as he sighed. “You feel incredible.”

  I squirmed underneath him and somehow my body took that as a signal to relax. Suddenly what had felt intrusive—even invasive—a moment before felt incandescent.

  “So do you,” I said, arching my back and taking him deeper.

  His eyes sprang open, and he grinned at me, moving with me to find a rhythm that suited us both. His wiry body was beautiful in the afternoon sunlight, sweat-slick and shiny as he moved over me and inside me. His hand closed over my dick, and he stroked me slowly until I was panting with the need to come. He changed his angle then, and his grip tightened.

  “I’m gonna—” I gasped as my orgasm hit me and he stroked me through it. Between his hand and his dick, he seemed to be everywhere at once, and everywhere he touched, my body was on fire. Then his hand fell away, and he crushed me tightly to his own body as he came in a series of fierce, teeth-baring thrusts.

  He eased out of me, biting his lip and smiling shyly. “Sorry, I got carried away at the end.”

  “I liked it,” I reassured him. “I didn’t expect it to feel like…”

  “Like?” he prompted when I trailed off.

  I smiled. “I’m speechless, actually.” I propped myself up on my elbows and kissed him, holding his chin in my hand. “That was perfect.”

  He sighed against my lips and rolled us over until he was on his back, and I sprawled across his chest.

  “I don’t know how we’re supposed to play that song in public.” I laughed. “The whole place will spontaneously combust.”

  Ritchie laughed. “Good. At least they’ll remember us.”

  “Jesus, Ritchie. Are you trying to start a riot?” Nat stood in the middle of the rehearsal space with one hand on her hip and the other clutching the sheet of lyrics. Next to me, Ritchie twitched with nerves.

  “You like it?” he asked, shuffling from one foot to the other.

  She nodded. “If we were actually performing, I think it would be really good to open the set with this. Get people amped up and horny.”

  “Lemme see.” Teri reached for the papers in Nat’s hand. Her eyes widened as she skimmed the lyrics, and she blushed. I had never seen Teri blush before. “Damn, son.”

  Ritchie grinned as he realized his filthy lyrics met with everyone’s approval. “Thanks.”

  “Do you have any more?” Nat asked.

  He nodded. “A few. Not enough for a whole set, but we could write more, together?”

  Nat nodded. “Do you think—do you think it’s possible to perform and keep it quiet?”

  Ritchie’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m holding y’all back because I can’t perform stuff like this and keep my job. But you deserve to play. This is good. I’m just wondering if it’s possible to keep something like this a secret. I mean—Thursdays. To keep Thursdays a secret.”

  “It’s not a nose ring,” I said softly. “You’re not wearing it on your face. Nat, have you ever seen a Thorns member in Bridgeview?”

  She shook her head. “There’s a first time for everything though. And when that day comes, I’m completely fucked.”

  “We don’t have to use your name on social media,” Ritchie said slowly. “Nobody would have to know. If we were careful with the photos we posted—”

  “I’m not gonna lie, Natty, I would love to perform on stage with you.” Teri smiled at her. “But not if it makes you uncomfortable. We’re doing this for fun. If it’s not fun—”

  “If it’s not fun, why do it?” Nat turned to me. “The Thorns is important to me. You know?”

  I nodded. “I know. Have you talked to X about it?”

  She shook her head. “He would tell me he loves me and then tell me I have to make a choice and to think long and hard about what I wanted. I’d have to make a choice. He wouldn’t keep this a secret for me.”

  “So, don’t tell him. And think about it,” I shrugged. “It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Who says they would ever have to find out?”

  “I wish I could be like you, Jacks.” She smiled at me, but her smile was sad. “You know who you are, and you won’t change or hide yourself for anyone. You’re really lucky.”

  Her words pierced me in a way that made me feel cold all over. “It’s not luck, Natty. I can’t be anyone else. Trying to be the son my parents wanted would have killed me.”

  Ritchie’s sharp inhale next to me caught my attention. I had been so focused on Nat; I had almost forgotten he and Teri were in the room.

  “You got me out,” I reminded him, and he breathed again. I turned back to Nat. “No pressure, but why don’t you try singing one of the songs, and see how it feels?”

  When Nat sang Ritchie’s words, it was incomparable. There weren’t superlatives to describe how she transformed. One moment, she was my hot butch friend, and the next, she was a goddess of hedonism and lust. Ken would have his work cut out for him to prevent orgies on the dance floor at Bridgeview.

  When she finished, sweat dampened her hair and her face was flushed.

  “I have an idea,” I said. “Ritchie, you can record my drums on a loop, right?”
/>
  He nodded. “Sure.”

  “Okay, so when we get to that part right before the bridge where you play the bass solo—Nat can you start singing from the second verse?”

  She picked up the lyrics again and I set my drumsticks aside. I approached her from the side, gesturing to Teri to join me.

  “Keep singing. When you get to this part—is it okay if Teri kisses you? And if I touch you too?”

  Nat’s eyes widened and she nodded. The verse came to an end, and Teri moved in for the kiss, her guitar between them.

  I dropped to my knees at Nat’s feet and kissed and bit my way up her leg to her thigh. Her hand dropped into my hair, caressing me like a favorite pet. A bolt of lust shot through me, and I realized that what made Nat hot to me wasn’t about her gender—it was her easy dominance. The reassurance I felt being close to her, the safety in her touch. It was a casual ruffle through my hair, but it expanded my understanding of my sexuality exponentially. I was definitely gay—but a part of me responded to something I had never been able to put a name to before that night.

  My epiphany lasted seconds. Ritchie played through his bass solo, and then Teri stepped back and began to play her guitar again. Nat gave my mohawk one last stroke and then started singing the bridge.

  I returned to my drums, picking up the rhythm from Ritchie’s bass. His gaze met mine, and he grinned at me and mouthed the word “hot.”

  The song came to an end. Nat took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them and looked at me, I raised my hands in a questioning shrug.

  “I think we just figured out the choreo for our opening number,” she said.

  That was the real beginning of Vertical Smile.

  II

  Ritchie – Now

  Chapter Ten

  I call Nat on my way home from work Tuesday afternoon—I’ve been on the lunch shift for months now, and Jacks is always gone to his own job when I get home. I hate it—I don’t like being alone, and his absence makes me want to climb the walls with boredom.